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Joke of the Day

"Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says ""Help, need ride!"""

"Uncle Frank's will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store. He will be mist."

"When it comes to stealing chocolate bars... I have a couple twix up my sleeve"

"What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmothers pussy? Sucking out thirteen and realizing you only put in twelve"

"Me: Ready for school? 7yo: [in only underwear with pants tied around his neck like a scarf & a sock on each hand] Almost"

"Why do you bury lawyers 20 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people"

"I swear I won't be undressing you with my eyes again. That REALLY hurt!"

"What does Michael Bolton say when he walks into an elevator? ""This place rocks!"""

"Today, I got lit, went to Denny's, ordered a t-bone & eggs, and scarfed it all down... I guess you could say... it was a ""high-steaks"" scenario."

"You know its been a long night... [NSFW] When you stick the razor in the hooker, and your dick in the coke"