184326

Joke of the Day

"What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmothers pussy? Sucking out thirteen and realizing you only put in twelve"

"The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days"

"A friend told me that all apples were yellow... I was like, ""that's bananas"""

"What do liberals and homeless people have in common? They are always asking for change."

"Me: Off to adult school recess! Boss: it's called lunch.. Me: *runs by dribbling basketball with two hands"

"[planning for wedding] i found us a remote location ""Omg where?"" *points to fanny pack stapled to wall above TV* The remote goes there now"

"There's a book about how the Roman Emperor Augustus was really buff and into weightlifting... It's called *The Guns of Augustus*"

"Saw geese flying in a v formation and my friend asked me if I knew why one side was longer than the other. More geese dumbass."

"If my next of kin takes a nap.. Can i call him Napkin?"

"For a while Houdini used trap doors in every act It was a stage he was going through"