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Joke of the Day

"Shipwreck survivors on an island S1: We told you to spell 'SOS' with those coconuts! S2: I know but I want our rescuers to know I'm a vegan."

"Why did Sally fall off the swingset? Because she had no arms. ""knock knock"" ""whose there?"" ""not sally!"""

"Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery. Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found."

"Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?"

"Wife: Maybe its time for ""the talk"" Me: Ok. Son, cops can't bust you for the drugs you've done, just the drugs you have. Her: Not that talk!"

"What's blue and fucks grannies? Hypothermia."

"What do you call an Irishman who sits on the porch all year round? Patty O'Furnature"

"I don't know if ghosts are real but people with bad breath are very real and to me that is far more terrifying"

"Do you know what I hate most about Reddit? [deleted] EDIT: Yes! That's the joke!"

"Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? ""Not with the proper treatment."" *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*"