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Joke of the Day

"Raise your right arm before you click. *tickle tickle tickle*"

"What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog."

"friend: ""we should have a drink sometime"" *never contacts them again*"

"At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?"

"My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it's the lightning that will kill him."

"What did the homeless man get for christmas ? Hypothermia."

"They don't even serve apples at Applebee's. Or bees."

"How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark"

"Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl didn't put out much."

"A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. ""Wow,"" says the bartender. ""That is really something. Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa,"" says the parrot."