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Joke of the Day

"My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he's ok with it when he finds out."

"Texts: Cool! What does it say? Emails: Oh God... what do they want? Phone call: I basically assume someone has died."

"Breaking Bad is my favorite documentary about what it takes to be an entrepreneur while balancing family life."

"HULK doesn't have sex, HULK smashes :b"

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"Why don't tortoises wear scarves? They have turtlenecks"

"Hipsters liked the other side of the pillow before it was cool."

"What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!"

"I came in second at a Monica Lewinsky look alike competition. . . . . . the judge said I was close, but no cigar."

"I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it."