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Joke of the Day

"It is Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend ...and I'm just thankful that I'll have ebola turkey soup and not ebola the deadly disease."

"So I broke up with my girlfriend because our signs didn't match... ...I'm a Sagittarius, and she's a bitch."

"Here's a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management"

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You don't know man, you weren't there!"

"A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. The mom asks, ""Why on earth do you need that?"" The little boy replies, ""isn't that what you give dad when HIS shit won't get hard?!"""

"I am in prison for something I didn't do I didn't pay my taxes"

"What did they say to the CEO who raise minimum wage to $70,000? Price is right!"

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off."

"*Jesus comes into the house* Judas: Jesus, close the door! Were you born in a barn? *room gets super quiet* Judas: Uh right. I forgot. Sorry"

"What do you call a short cowboy? Subdude"