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Joke of the Day

"Here's a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management"

"At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading."

"I'm probably moving back to my home country if Trump gets elected. Not by choice either."

"It's too tight Girl:Its 2 tight Boy:Dont worry,Ill do it slowly, Gal:Push it in, Boy:Ah..I cant, Gal:Its painful, Boy:Forget it. . . . . Well buy new WEDDING RING!"

"What could you create with Starbucks caramel mocha chip frappuccino? The Audi logo and The Olympics logo."

"Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever."

"A guy walks into his room with a duck under his arm... and says ""This is the pig I've been fucking."" His wife says ""That's not a pig, it's a duck."" He says ""I wasn't talking to you."""

"Why are ghosts bad liars? You can see right through them."

"I was talking to my science class... ...about Astronomical Units (Au). Our conversation was gold."

"If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven... is doing it in the shower a German oven?"