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Joke of the Day

"So I broke up with my girlfriend because our signs didn't match... ...I'm a Sagittarius, and she's a bitch."

"What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite band? The Doors."

"What kind of doctor is always on call? An oncologist! ... I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before."

"Did you hear about the time Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas? He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

"What do you call an albino gorilla? Honkey Kong"

"I live life by 3 rules: 1- Get ripped. 2- Stay ripped. 3- Live in denial so that life is bearable."

"What's the difference between an Afghan Military Base and a Pakistani School? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"What happens when someone overdoses on Viagra? They die hard."

"Your Mother is like Communism... Shared by everyone."

"Made out with a milf in the theatre last weekend... Although the movie was pretty well ruined with little Timmy talking through the whole thing."