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Joke of the Day

"*Jesus comes into the house* Judas: Jesus, close the door! Were you born in a barn? *room gets super quiet* Judas: Uh right. I forgot. Sorry"

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower? You hand the bitch a shovel."

"What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker? 30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke."

"France beat the Germans 2-0 but the terrorists have them at like 50-3"

"Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? Because it was a noble gas"

"When your great-grandchildren call you racist for thinking all monkeys look the same."

"According to my textbook, The old Greek currency was called Drachmae but apparently now they use a currency called *whoosh*"

"What is long, white, and very sticky? The coming of the Lord!"

"How do you catch a polar bear? Go to the north pole and dig a hole in the ice. Set some peas around the hole and when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ice-hole."

"Told my coworker I want a dragon. He said I'm crazy for wanting anything that might set all my shit on fire but he's the one that's married."