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Joke of the Day

"Masturbating while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff They never know if you're coming or going"

"*drinks milkshake* *runs to yard* *sifts through all the boys* *sighs* *puts up more posters for missing son*"

"A retard and a Christian walk into a bar.... the Christian says ""do you believe in god?"", and the retard says ""what do I look like? , some kind of retard?"""

"Inventor of raisins: ""What do you like about grapes"" me: the juice part, the freshness Inventor: right but what if they had neither"

"Valentine's day Mothers have mothers day, father's have father's day, couples have valentine's day and I have palm sunday"

"Hey does anyone know how to spell antidisestablishmentarianism?"

"How do you fix a pumpkin With a pumpkin patch... I'm so sorry."

"To whoever stole my thesaurus... To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person."

"Someone told me I was ""good people"" and I replied ""OMG you can hear them too?"""

"two deer walk out of a gay bar the first deer says to the other, ""man, I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there""."