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Joke of the Day

"My friends say im in denial I dont know what theyre talking about. Edit: second version: Ive never even been to Egypt!"

"R.I.P Satoru Iwata He's pushing Peaches and Daisies now."

"What piece of bedding can also be known as a Mexican blanket? the underlay! underlay!"

"How do you know when you're turning 40? When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh"

"Why did the funeral director cover his mouth? he kept coffin"

"For the first time in forever, I used the term ""oopsie-daisy"". Couldnt be avoided. I mean what else do you say when you drop someone's baby?"

"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. "

"What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill."

"How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ? Hide the ball it drives them nuts !"

"I have stopped debating with master since the day ... ... I subscribed /r/nofap. Got to keep up with the community."