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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a person who delivers Indian food? Currier."

"If you get invited to an AT&T; executive's wedding, don't go. The reception will be terrible."

"What three streets in Chicago rhyme with vagina? Paulina, Melvina and Lunt."

"A police officer mistakenly arrested a judge who was dressed as a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned that you should never book a judge by their cover."

"[date] Me: Have you ever had it so deep your toes curl? Her: No, I'd love that Me: [pulls out 15th century poetry book] get ready Her: um"

"I always get chloroform confused with chlorophyll. This guy I kidnapped is awake and angry but his leaves have never been more lush."

"Why did the SJW hate the Mexican robot? Because it was Pablo-matic"

"Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people."

"I'm that asshole who puts an ""o"" at the end of a word and calls it Spanish."

"Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles. You know what they say about old habits."