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Joke of the Day

"Friday night plans *break into plastic surgeon's office *put goldfish in the silicone implants *sneak away undetected *giggle like a maniac"

"Why dosn't Jesus christ play hockey? Because he'd always get nailed into the boards"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count."

"How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock? She waits until midnight and plugs it back in. Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it."

"My true love and I are like parallel lines. We will never meet and I will die alone."

"How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon? Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you."

"I texted my wife with ""ROTFHAHA"" & she replied with ""LMAO"" so I don't think she understands that I'm having a heart attack."

"What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist? A sociopath sees people as things; a buddhist sees things as people."

"How to avoid clickbait. Rule 1: Don't click on this. Rule 2: You are all hopeless idiots."

"How do you make apple jelly? google maps."