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Joke of the Day

"[karate tournament] coach: Billy sweep the leg! me in the crowd: haha hey billy vacuum his head! *Billy just wails opponent with a Dyson*"

"Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons? They're always coming in a little behind."

"Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure"

"What's the most capable element? Tin, because tin can."

"if they changed the rules so you could wear timbs instead of skates black ppl would take over hockey"

"Why did the Jewish woman cry when she was forced to pay the full price? Because she could not avoid the whole cost."

"My Doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. Apparently it was making it difficult to complete the exam."

"Thought about putting a diabetic joke but... Some people think they are insul'in"

"Dang girl are you the police on Grand Theft Auto, because 2 minutes after I leave you forget all about me & move on to someone else."

"Everyone hates the word moist until they eat a very dry muffin."