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Joke of the Day

"THE 45 DIFFERENCE A: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? B: 45 lbs. A: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? B: 45 minutes."

"Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?"

"I almost forgot to wish a happy St. Patty's day to... ...Barack O'Bama Got this from Neil deGrasse Tyson's Twitter."

"Is that a burrito in your pocket or are you happy to see me? I'm cool if it's a burrito."

"Whoever said ""money doesn't grow on trees"" has obviously never sold weed."

"If you run in front of a car, you get tired. If you run behind it, you get exhausted."

"Hate when you wake up & think it's the weekend but then realise death is inevitable eternal emptiness"

"I wish I hadn't bought so much Encyclopedia Britannica stock in 1999."

"Whats the first thing you do when you spill something on your keyboard? Try to disable sticky keys."

"Use the force luke I've run out of lubricant"