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Joke of the Day

"Use the force luke I've run out of lubricant"

"I became a proud dad today. He's four but he was a boring little shit for the first three years."

"What was the Preacher turned Drill Seargent's favorite command? Present Alms!"

"Lost airport chameleon finally found after hiding in plane site"

"What's the difference between my job and a dead hooker? My job still sucks"

"The SS officer went blind... when he did NOT-SEE things."

"Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear."

"Never serve bad food at a bris Otherwise the rabbi won't leave a tip"

"What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? RUN! She's got a grenade in her mouth!"

"How many cynics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Doesn't matter. Lightbulb is going to die anyway."