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Joke of the Day

"How to kiss: 1-open your mouth 2-wider 3-wider 4-unhinge jaw 5-summon the Dark Overlord"

"Babies are like farts. We only like our own."

"If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie."

"What's the difference between statutory rape and sex with a minor? Gender"

"I've developed a phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them."

"Gay Bread What do you call a gay piece of bread? A fagguette. A fa"

"""Release the Kraken!"" ... ""Well?"" ""We released him. He just took off. It's not like he was trained or anything."" ... ""Release the tuna!"""

"Today punched man a me That was out of order"

"You ever heard the joke about the sandwich?.... ...I heard it was full of bologna"

"The best part of waking up is... nothing. Waking up blows. Fuck you, Folgers."