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Joke of the Day

"I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony."

"What's the cheapest kind of noodle you can buy? Penne."

"I learned today that I'm still a reddit noob."

"A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling."

"Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football Doctor: It's okay take these pills Patient: No way tomorrow is the final"

"What does a chameleon that can't change color suffer from? Reptile disfunction"

"What do hand grenades and wives have in common? Remove the ring and your house is gone."

"Girls think shrinkage is funny but I just think they're jealous, because the same principal does not apply to them."

"As I slowly remove her panties I think to myself God these don't fit me very well"

"I like my women like I like my coffee.... All over my lap while I'm driving"