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Joke of the Day

"Do transformers buy car or life insurance?"

"Why was the tampon flying down the school hallway? He was late for his next period."

"It's so hot outside I almost called my ex over so I could stand by something shady."

"What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster? You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup."

"It's called a ""Monte Cristo"" sandwich because one day it will return disguised as another sandwich & seek its revenge"

"Nothing's says I'm guilty of every crime imaginable quite like using your blinker to pull into your driveway..."

"Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear. Also sorry for the shoddy manscaping."

"Optimism? Sure, it's worth a try. I don't see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever."

"I'm not positive, but I think when you say you're ""over"" something, YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT."

"What did the two gum diseases say to the one who had a party without them? Why di'n'ja 'vite us?"