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Joke of the Day

"""911, please help im dying"" Good cop: help is on the way Bad cop: just suck it up and be a man Dad cop: hi dying, im dad"

"I was in bed with my two girlfriends this morning.. How do you start a rave in Africa? Pencil. Am i doing this right? ( sorry for bad English I'm from Wales)"

"How about instead of shaking hands we nod at each other and that way we both won't have to wash our hands?"

"Steve Irwin died as he lived... With nature in his heart"

"Q: What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action? A: An inj-oink-tion."

"I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come."

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it."

"What do white nationalists call three left turns? An alt-right"

"ho ho ho pimp."

"Brad Pitt was just telling my friend he liked me & then I woke up so it looks like the best part of my day is already bullshit & over."