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Joke of the Day

"I was in bed with my two girlfriends this morning.. How do you start a rave in Africa? Pencil. Am i doing this right? ( sorry for bad English I'm from Wales)"

"The men who fought in the Revolutionary War were very brave. They would take turns standing there shooting at each other... ...and that takes balls."

"If my mouth could get pregnant, an entire box of fudge-pops would be taking paternity tests."

"Luis Suarez has confessed he had planned on biting Wayne Rooney. However,he also said he doesn't like the taste of shit."

"I scream. You scream. We all scream. We're being chased by bears. Life is a nightmare."

"What's big, green, has four legs and if it falls out of a tree it can kill you? A pool table."

"What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust"

"My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper."

"It's always ""Too hard. Too soft. Too short. Too thick."" I'm never inviting Goldilocks to another orgy"

"Why are quantum physicists so bad at sex? Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position."