229501

Joke of the Day

"If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra"

"[battle] ME: It's no good. We gotta quit SARGE: Quit? I don't know the meaning of the word M: It means give up S: Oh cool. Lets do that"

"One Last Humiliation: The CIA Just Bungled An Attempt To Drop A Piano On Fidel Castro's Funeral Procession Luckily, It only cost them a grand."

"""This is the best acid ever. I totally should write some children's books now."" ~ Dr. Seuss"

"If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine."

"A man once got his penis cut off he used to be a dick... now he is just nuts."

"I meant to call out a plumber to fix my blocked toilet, but forgot. I'm in deep shit now."

"I met a one-legged waitress at IHOP... Her name was Ilene."

"Has anybody ever noticed that you can get salmonella from chicken...but not chickenmonella from salmon?"

"Knock Knock... Whos there? John. John who? *John begins to weep as he realizes his grandmothers Alzheimer's has progressed to a level where she no longer remembers his name.*"