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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Hermione keep her money at Gringotts? Offshore investment gains a better return."

"I used to hate facial hair... but then it grew on me."

"Abstinence-only education... Was the first time I got screwed."

"You can't spell Meek Mill.. ..without two consecutive L's."

"With Twitter, who needs imaginary friends?"

"My wife used to have sex with fruit when she was stressed. When I found out, she went fucking bananas."

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for."

"Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are."

"Ruth wasn't invited to the party. The people at the party were ruthless."

"I wanna make a joke about sodium. But Na."