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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data"

"Hello 911? ""What's your emergency?"" You work in a building? ""Yes"" Inside? ""Yes WHAT'S YOUR EM-"" So you're saying 911's an inside job?!"

"How do you turn a fox into a cow? You marry her."

"Damn girl, you must be drunk? Thats your puke your eating"

"What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt? After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture."

"I heard Cobras dance to music. I played some Justin Bieber for my pet Cobra and he bit himself and died."

"[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] ""My sink was a bit dirty-"" ""-but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!"""

"How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight."

"What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives? A Chihuahua that can draw and gnaw while obeying the law and lying on straw!"

"I came home from work and finally caught the filthy bitch red handed. So I asked my daughter to please wash her hands if she masturbates on her period."