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Joke of the Day

"I can't wait until Taylor Swift breaks up with a black guy so she can put out a rap album."

"If a tree falls in the woods.... .....and no one is around to hear it. Will a hipster buy the soundtrack?"

"Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It's making Head-Lines!"

"So now that corporations are people... McDonalds just became the first corporation diagnosed with a disease... Aspbergers"

"[first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*"

"Toys 'R Us pulled Breaking Bad figures because the characters sold drugs, but continue to sell Darth Vader ones, and he blew up a planet."

"Have you ever heard of the exhausted frog? He was out of bounds"

"Where do you drown hipsters? In the mainstream"

"The three unwritten rules of life 1. 2. 3."

"Me: how much is all the money in the world? Genie: not sure exactly Me: give me a ballpark figure POOOF *I'm now the size of Shea Stadium"