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Joke of the Day

"You know yer addicted to twitter when you count letters in the surgeon general's warning on the vodka bottle & think ""Yeah, that would fit."""

"Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft"

"Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ""It's dark in here isn't it?"" The other replied, ""I don't know; I can't see."""

"I'm not informed enough to vote.... Who do you think i am? A redditor?"

"I wish I could hang out with Gwen Stefani. We would discuss which shit is/isn't bananas."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision ? A rip off."

"[shootout] Cop: I said fire a warning shot Me: I already did. Cop: you shot him in the face Me: warning the others that I'm a very good shot"

"Thanks for keeping your Instagram account private. I'd hate for those pictures of your lunch to fall into the wrong hands."

"Why didn't the people in the movie Armageddon just hold up a big sheet of paper when the meteor was coming? Paper beats rock..."

"You know you just can't tell Penguin jokes. They just don't fly"