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Joke of the Day

"911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK"

"When you have to poop so bad it comes out just as you reach the toilet... That's the shit I don't like."

"Why did Opey get fired from his job as a pizza delivery boy? Because Opey never delivered."

"I never feel older than in the 12 seconds I spend on web pages scrolling down to my birth year."

"Why did the milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder"

"What did Justin Verlander finish on Friday? Kate's back."

"ISIS frequently takes credit for random attacks even when they had nothing to do with them, making ISIS basically the Fat Jew of terrorism"

"DATE: *takes a sip of her water* ME: haha ok wow can you tone down the pda you're behaving very erotically"

"""Doctor doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me!"" ""Next please."""

"What does Hitler's asshole and the 7 dwarves have in common? They both enjoy Mein Shaft"