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Joke of the Day

"How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb? 30 because that's peasants work."

"I better fix the hinge on this cabinet door before Ryan Gosling comes over, takes his shirt off and builds my lady a house."

"Confucius Say Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time"

"A Nazi scientist walks into Burger King He asks for a Whopper, and the guy at the counter replies: ""Don't you mean a *Heisenburger*?"""

"Shouting ""Shotgun"" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier."

"Daughter comes home with shirt inside out. Me: Why is your shirt on wrong? Daughter: I think you old people call it: ""second base"""

"Why did the rich man go crazy? He had one-million dollars, but no cents."

"Seeing as how reddit is taking so many pictures of lightning... Reddit must have some lightning fast reflexes"

"The US Treasury announced Harriet Tubman will replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 So there's going to be a whole new bill in the black market."

"I think I have just enough followers to start a decent sized cult"