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Joke of the Day

"Confucius Say Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time"

"One of those trendy avant chefs offered to cook me whale today. I said, please don't... That would make me blubber!"

"I cheated on my wife once. We were playing monopoly and when she wasn't looking I stole some of her money. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"Did you know that I can see into the future? I have 2020 vision"

"Everyone has that one friend who treats their Facebook status like their therapist."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend? ""See ya next month!"""

"He already ruined your mascara, don't let him ruin your night."

"My buddy said that he was planning on making homemade bread. I told him to let me know if he kneeds anything."

"What do you call a bi-curious woman? A clitourist."

"My friend told me he was afraid of Al Queda... Guess that makes him an iraqnaphobe"