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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I showed you snaps from my colonoscopy after you made me look at your ultrasound. I thought we were sharing pics of our innards."

"Q:How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A:Kick his sister in the jaw!!"

"Growing up, whenever I told my father, 'It's really nice out!'... He'd reply, 'Yeah, I had it out a minute ago, I thought it was great, too!' And so went my childhood..."

"My License to Kill was revoked due to abuse of power."

"My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth."

"Did you hear about the man whose vape device exploded while he was smoking it? It was a mind-blowing experience."

"My girlfriend has a pet and I had a pet chicken. Her donkey ate my chicken. Now, I have my cock inside her ass this whole time."

"Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed."

"Praying Mantis: *attends church, devours husband* Agnostic Mantis: *stares suspiciously up at the sky, devours husband*"

"Way to greet me with a headache, Friday. Who died and made you an asshole? You think you're Monday or something?"