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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the process of a robot clearing its artificial nose? An olfactory reset."

"[First Date] ""Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed"" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*"

"How do Ethiopian parents celebrate their child's first birthday? By putting flowers on its grave."

"I felt a twinge of sadness when I released my daughter would be leaving for college in a year. I have to wait a whole fucking year"

"Why was the father centipede annoyed? Because all of his children needed new shoes."

"My friend, who is a landscaper, was cheating on his wife and I told him to stop. He replied, ""it's hard man.. I got to much love for the hoes"""

"Why did the pirate go to Ireland? he thought he was going to Arrrland."

"Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority"

"So I saw one of those ""Drink for Pink"" labels on a bottle of juice... Sounds like Georgia Tech's hookup strategy."

"Patron: Hey there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?"