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Joke of the Day

"""ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!"" I scream to my dogs as they all watch me trip, run into the coffee table and spill my coffee all over myself."

"You put 2 fingers in... Maybe 3 if it's big enough... Oh yeah.... Now that's how you wash a mug."

"FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!"

"So I went to a zoo the other day... And all it had in it was one dog. It was a shitzu."

"Why Does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle."

"Do ya know the difference between Scots and Scotch? Ay now. A Scot is a lad that can play the pipes. Scotch is what makes it so that he canna."

"What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito? Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her"

"How do you piss Voldemort off? play got your nose with him"

"It's hot as balls today. And by ""balls"" I mean ""testicles""."

"My family can't decide what kind of Lab to get (Chocolate, Yellow, Black, etc.) so we drew straws. I won, so we're getting a Meth."