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Joke of the Day

"How many Donald Trumps does it take to screw a light bulb I don't know but to screw a country it only takes one"

"What do you call Muslims on a Plane? PASSENGERS!"

"What do you find in a zombie's veins? Dead blood corpuscles."

"Tell 'em how it 'tis, not how it 'twas: Edition 1. It used to be the joke was ""If ya lick 'er, it's quicker"" Now it's: if ya drug 'er, ya fug 'er."

"[meeting] Bill: we'll call it BILLOSOPHY Phil [pulling out briefcase and assembling gun]: Good idea! Steal my board idea now this? Not again"

"If you ever think you're not creative, buy a Bowflex and marvel at the creativity of your excuses not to use it."

"Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words."

"Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two."

"What's the best part about having multiple personality disorder? Banging your best friend's wife every night!"

"It is said that Bill Gates once farted in an Apple store which stank up the entire place. But after all, it's their fault for not having Windows."