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Joke of the Day

"Lots of hockey tweets, sadly I'm from Alabama where a bunch of white guys chasing something black with sticks has a whole different meaning."

"A battery is like a loner They're both not included in anything"

"What's up with gay analysts? They anal-ize."

"Took my first cab ride last night And I gotta say, the price was fare!"

"*Sees son doing homework* What u doing? ""Math, it's due Friday"" *I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth* They'll never believe u"

"Nike just announced it will now be using robots instead of children to make shoes Unfortunately, the robots will be made by children."

"I tried to impress a girl by putting my foot down on the pedal... ..turns out she'd seen a bin open like that before."

"Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ...."

"What do you call an erection you get at a funeral? Mourning wood"

"[FIRST DATE] Me, opening mouth seductively: ""And this is where I burned my tongue on pizza, and this is where I burned my tongue on fries, a"