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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry made it out of the chamber."

"I like my jokes like my coffee bland"

"Why didn't DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke? Because he didn't get it."

"At which fast food restaurant is a hamburger happiest? Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!"

"What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a member of the Westboro Baptist Church? a retarded gorilla"

"Taco guy: guac costs extra Obi Wan: [wafts hand] guac is free Taco Guy: guac is free... Anakin: why'd u even pay for the taco? Obi Wan: dammit"

"Where are the baby leeks? In it's nappy! (diaper for my american friends) (I work in a supermarket, this is how I pass the time)"

"My friend's coming over, I've got to be careful... ...my house mates are crazy and he's allergic to nuts. *Yes indeed.*"

"My wife left me *sobs uncontrollably*"

"Dear Jesus- please let all my texts go to the correct person- Amen"