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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry made it out of the chamber."

"regardless means without regard irregardless means the same as regardless except you never had any English classes"

"[movie theater] TRAILER ANNOUNCER: how far will one man go.....to protect what he loves ME: [turning to person behind me] pretty far i bet"

"[Brings a snowball to a work meeting and tosses it at boss] I'm not trying to disprove the theory of global warming I just don't like you."

"If anyone sees Phillip... ...tell him I have his screwdriver."

"So after the subreddit banning went down, I texted Ellen Pao asking if this was some sort of a joke. She responded ""Im SRS"""

"Ok, seriously men... You can't hear yourselves snoring, but the slightest crinkle of a chip bag, and you're suddenly wide awake?!"

"Mosquito's are like dirty used needles, that can fly."

"Why did the blonde avoid eating cereal? Every box had, in huge letters, ""0mg cholesterol!"""

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Witch Doctor Barbie ...with potions and face paints"