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Joke of the Day

"Van Gogh's girlfriend: my dearest Vincent, lend me your ear Him: cuts ear off Her: I just wanted u to listen to me Him: nah, I'm good"

"Smart Friend My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle."

"High-Speed Rail in the US."

"If you were a stand-up comic, and you're doing a show for a family at a funeral. What would you're opening line be? Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!"

"Q: How do you make an idiot think he's a duck? A: Tell him he's a duck."

"A lady walks into a bar... Sits down and says to the bartender ""give me a double."" He asks ""what'll it be?"" She replies ""make it an entedre."" So he gave it to her."

"I say ""Hey man, I got your back."" He thanks me until he collapses from being spineless. I give his back to an infant. ""Baby got back."" I say"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Argo ! Argo who ? Argo down to the beach for my holidays"

"Just saw a kid with a protest sign that said ""I AM VERY GOOD AT KARATE"" and I'll regret for the rest of my life that I didn't get a picture"