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Joke of the Day

"Imagine William Shakespeare in a swimming pool, perplexed and terrified as children just splash the shit out of him"

"Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet."

"What is the difference between ass-kissing and brown-nosing? Depth perception."

"What did Michael Jackson say at the bank? ""Make that change"""

"What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them."

"I'll believe self-help books work when I see a bunch of them on a sane person's bookshelf."

"(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two penises? Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)"

"A duck walks into a bar and says ""Get me some chapstick, and put it on my bill!"""

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once year."

"My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in."