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Joke of the Day

"What's the first thing you install on a new computer? The operating system"

"I couldn't believe it when my wife said she was leaving me because I'm obsessed with The Monkees... Then I saw her face"

"As a child, it really stressed me out that Rocky was late to his second fight with Apollo Creed. I mean, don't be late to that."

"Ever hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It was dreadful."

"Does this optic nerve make me look?"

"ME: forgive me father for I have sinned PRIEST: nothing that can't be forgiven my son ME: I microwave my pop tarts PRIEST: u sick son of a"

"What do engineers use for birth control? Their personality."

"Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters..."

"Banana Shirt http://teespring.com/Banana-Shirt#pid=369&cid=6519&sid=front"

"I just had a huge fight with my dog She's such a bitch."