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Joke of the Day

"ME: forgive me father for I have sinned PRIEST: nothing that can't be forgiven my son ME: I microwave my pop tarts PRIEST: u sick son of a"

"*deletes embarrassing drunk tweets *tweets embarrassing sober ones"

"To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all."

"Dear America Would you please take the 's' off the word 'legos' and put it back on the word 'math' where it belongs. Many thanks England"

"Am I...are we... is this a date? *elevator opens & he leaves*"

"The liquid inside a fire hydrant is H^2O, but the liquid on the outside is K9P. Courtesy of schnauzers-rule.com"

"I tried to google image search Rorschach tests... but all I could find were pictures of boobs."

"Do you know how we know that Adam and Eve were white? Because even god doesn't have the balls to steal a rib from a black guy"

"TIL King George III had a strong distaste for The Colonies In fact he found them revolting."

"Scrabble is adding 5,000 new words including ""chillax"" and ""selfie."" So kids, there's never been a better time to challenge your grandparents to a game of Scrabble."