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Joke of the Day

"As a child, it really stressed me out that Rocky was late to his second fight with Apollo Creed. I mean, don't be late to that."

"The Earth and the Moon get in an argument The Moon tried to be the bigger body and walk away, but the Earth grabbed it and said ""I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. """

"It is so cold that Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife to keep warm!"

"My girlfriend has twelve breasts. It seems kind of freaky, dozen-tit?"

"Why did the pickle stop being a contortionist? It was to cucumbersome."

"My dyslexic brother just did the ice bucket challenge. He keeps asking how this helps people who use American Sign Language."

"Bigfoot is like a father to me... ... I've only ever seen him in photos, never in real life."

"Just one bottle of vitaminwater provides a full day's supply of unnecessary and gullible. Also, electrolytes."

"Sorry for writing ""I guess u moved on haha"" under that ultrasound photo of your baby."

"What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving? For me it's three weeks."