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Joke of the Day

"What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch? He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes."

"I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm."

"If at first you don't succeed, we have a lot in common."

"What has little balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine."

"Why was Hitler a great comedian? Cuz you can't spell slaughter without laughter"

"Rams>Cowboys Coincidence ?"

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just kick the shit out of the room for being black."

"Waiter there's a fly in my soup! Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!"

"If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard."

"5 female pigs + 5 male deer What do you get when you have 5 female pigs and 5 male deer? 10 sows and bucks (say it out loud)"