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Joke of the Day

"My friend used the term ""bad ass"" for diarrhea. ""You're badass."" ""I'm... diarrhea?"" ""No I meant you are the shit, man."" ""WHAT???"""

"What's the difference between the Serengeti and the White House? In the Serengeti there are African lions, but in the White House there's a lyin' African."

"Nothing wakes you up faster than a 5 y/o kicking open your door like SWAT and jumping on you in bed."

"Ever since Crystal signed my yearbook in 4th grade, all of my summers have been rad and I haven't changed, just like she asked."

"Just had to ask myself, ""What would a competent person do in this situation?"""

"Can I list french fries as my significant other?"

"My son called me 'Marc' I said ""That's a little presumptuous. Call me Dad"" He replied ""Now who's being presumptuous?"""

"I always wondered why my girlfriend's ex had his fist clenched when he saw me with her. Then it hit me."

"What do you call a pretzel with roofies in it? Forget-me-knots!"

"What did the retarded kids call there rock band? Syndrome of a Down..."