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Joke of the Day

"turn-ons: eye contact people who pay attention to me people who know how to push my buttons oh god im a television how did this h"

"Not saying it's wet out there but the animals are lining up two by two."

"I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread yesterday.. Then I realised it said ""thick cut""!"

"What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scalar."

"H: So what's the worst thing you've ever seen someone do? Me: I watched a mother buy her son a harmonica."

"My new puppy is an excellent blacksmith... ...every time I yell he makes a bolt for the door!"

"How to get midgets to drink your beer. Try setting the bar low."

"I have really bad gambling withdrawals I take out about $400 a week"

"You see two puppies. ""Awwwww!"" But they're cannibal puppies! ""Ahhhhhhh!"" One puppy eats the other! ""Ewwwww!"" Then he takes a nap. ""Awwwww!"""

"According to the D.A.R.E website, Marijuana is no longer a gateway drug... Guess that means I tried all those other drugs willingly."