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Joke of the Day
"It's impossible to slowly tiptoe around without activating T-Rex arms."
Next Joke
"Why bachelors are skinner than married men A bachelor goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge, sighs, goes to bed. A married man goes into the bedroom, lifts the blanket, sighs, goes to the fridge."
"I just published a satirical critique of the Russian government and Putin hasn't sent anyone to kill me yet. I'm radiating with joy."
"Up-Dog Something smells like updog."
"Knock Knock ""Knock Knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""No, Who's on first!"""
"What do you get when you cross and owl with a bungee chord? My ass"
"ME: [sitting on iphone] europe. europe. EUROPE. europe [5 hrs later] ME: ok fine maybe ur right WIFE: what did you think airplane mode meant"
"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass rex"
"Maybe you owe the rhythm some money and that's why it's trying to get you. WE DON'T KNOW!"
"What did the little boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened them yet."