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Joke of the Day

"If your drug dealer answers your call on the first ring .... he's a cop."

"Crazy lady next to me forgot to take her meds, flipping out and shit. I hate seeing this. Just going to walk away from my mirror now."

"Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other ""Pass the soap."" The other says. ""Ice cream doesn't have bones."""

"I go to the gym religiously. You know, once or twice a year around the holidays."

"Did you hear Italy is joining forces with ISIS? They think the world needs more Italian ISIS"

"The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game; I'll play mine."

"I was so embarrassed when I got an erection during a prostate exam. Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor."

"Wife just instructed me on the best way to trim my beard. So now I'm explaining to her the proper way to change a tampon."

"The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death."

"Getting rid of my cleaning person sounded like a good way to save money, until it came time to do the cleaning."