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Joke of the Day

"Picking up a tiny piece of paper off the carpet would probably only take me one second... But for some reason I'd rather vacuum over it 100 times, at different angles..."

"What's the difference between a German and a Scot? The German knows when he's not speaking English."

"Yeah, America is the so called ""land of the free"", but you try to bring a monkey on board the plane and suddenly everyone's all about rules."

"If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of 4 girls on Instagram, and then comment, ""You 3 look great!"" Magic will happen afterwards..."

"What do you call a woman with one nipple? Titty Wap."

"If someone catches you doing something inappropriate don't stop, just do it slowly while keeping eye contact."

"Yo momma... Is so fat she started a new diet, lost a lot of weight and is doing really well now."

"Experiment: text your parents ""got 2 grams for $40"" then right after ""Sorry ignore that txt. Not for you"" Then tweet pic of their response."

"Trump University is getting a bad rap. My nephew went there and he can poop in a toilet AND say the N-word."

"I went to the noodle shop yesterday... and ordered a bowl of noodles. The waitress brought it out, but tripped and spilled the noodles and hot broth all over my right arm. It felt pretty raw, man."