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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said she needs some time and distance. Is she calculating velocity?"

"Did you know that AC/DC made the longest song ever? It lasted 12 albums"

"I'm not even sure I remember how to have sex without holding my phone."

"Santa: What do you want for Christmas? Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend?"

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes"

"I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find 'em."

"Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? She saw the salad dressing."

"When Tom Cruise is driving, he says ""Now in Cruise Control!"" with this stupid smirk on his face even when there's no one else in the car."

"What do you get when you cross a bear and a spider? A six-legged, honey-lovin', web-spinnin' **freak!**"

"I was doing the dishes and i realized.. If we could cover our Military vehicles in dried egg yolk we would be unstoppable."