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Joke of the Day

"The difference between ""she's jogging & healthy"" vs ""she's in danger & I should help"" is headphones."

"Why do you never play uno with a mexican? Because they will steal all the green cards."

"I bet college professors never get tired of watching freshmen get fat. I know I wouldn't."

"What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round."

"I'm thinking about going on a day trip but I just don't know where to get the LSD"

"I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex... I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law."

"What's the difference between a black man and batman? Batman can go a day without robin."

"I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says ""Buy Nerf guns and candy"", but the adult in me says ""Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy"""

"The masochist said to the sadist, ""Hurt me!"" and the sadist said ""No."""

"Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely? A: Because if something happens to her Bill becomes President!"