141768

Joke of the Day

"Is your cat getting enough Chinese food? The answer may surprise you. Mews at 11. NEWS. I said ""news"". Just like a typing human would. What."

"A guy shows up late for work Off to work A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, You should've been here at 8.30!' He replies. Why? What happened at 8.30?'"

"My nieces just asked me if God is real. I'm tired so I'm just going to show them ""The Exorcist."" This babysitting stuff is a breeze!"

"Kristen Stewart is proof that if you're making a face and someone slaps you on the back it will get stuck like that forever."

"Unexpected sex that's a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison..."

"Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a ""gym."""

"In order to save money I installed a sound chip into my wallet. Now when it opens it plays a song by Creed so I quickly have to close it."

"The Police asked me to make a statement so I stripped naked and ran around the precinct shouting, ""Save the whales!"""

"Girls are like condoms They spend more time in the wallet than on your dick."

"Have you heard the one about the single lady and the hitman? probably not, the punchline is a dead miss."