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Joke of the Day

"Watching Dora with the kids this morning. I wish her parents would just get her an iPhone."

"'Expect the unexpected' Now that would make the unexpected the expected, but since the expected is being expected, then that would mean it wasn't the unexpected, so what the fuck do we expect?"

"Turns out ""pick the biggest one & punch him in the face"" gets you more respect as a new prisoner than as a new 1st grade substitute teacher."

"dude you're gonna need to take me home tonight i can't drive like this ""bro this is hi-c orange lava burst"" iim a lightweight ha ha"

"I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner."

"Why is C afraid of D? Because DEEZ NUTS!"

"What's the difference between you and a brick? Bricks can get laid."

"A man walks into a therapist's with just clingfilm around his waist therapist says, ""I can clearly see you're nuts""."

"Old experiment #You are now breathing and blinking manually. #also you are aware of your tongue now. Let me know if this worked"

"If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?"